My Silent Madness

With my bike, i was out alone last moonnight in a churchyard that is becoming my mall of silence. You can make me sit and face an empty wall and give a reading on Gibran while everyone in the house snores audibly. Such a tryst is more than consuming a half-gallon of Selecta ube ice cream to me. (I often think of food indulgence these days as a rebellion against the human spirit’s craving to be simple and sacrificing in small, many ways.)

But nothing beats going out into the wild expanse of Nature, peering through my minute eyes into its uncontainable vastness, being awed endlessly by its seemingly eternal presence. The past 2 weeks had been alternate nights of clear, star-dotted and cloud-shrouded skies, as the moon gradually without maneuvering other physical beings around her, revealed its full grandeur. Last night, i was one witness, wondering over its seemingly late showdown from the horizon. The security guard likewise wondered when at 9PM, the moon emerged with its melon-hued fullness from the veil of clouds like a 6AM sunrise. We are in for longer nights and shorter days plus the cool breeze i can only savor in silence.

I walked to and fro on the concrete ground, craned my neck upward to wonder with the stars and the festival of celestial lights crowned by the lunar light. Priceless! Incomparable to any man-made entertainment!

But even the simple thought of joining their silent festivity could shock a consciousness hardened by noise. The human mind tends to think, imagine, plan, worry, or chatter endlessly so that submission to the silence of the moon and the stars is no eating of a Red Ribbon choco moca crunch. It takes some efforts and intention – from foregoing TV time to saying no to a child’s after dinner cajole to play. Just around 200 meters outside the churchyard is a bustling street. I have to be conscious of the difference between a city street and a silent churchyard because each demands two different kinds of consciousness: the city – at least an awakened sense of control and mindful activities (hindi pwedeng patanga-tanga sa kalsada); silent churchyards, or any ground of silence – of carefree, no wristwatch wondering.

In silence, time is less segmented into minutes, hours or days characteristic of city life because Silence is the Great Uniter of past, present, and future. It’s where i’m going in the ultimate sense of the word. And so you are. Never too bad to get to know it in the fullness of the moon and the glow of the stars. Tonight, i might go out again, moonless or otherwise, pedal from a city-consciousness to Nature-mindfulness, leaving behind a sleeping mother-and-child, believing that the silence that charges my being effuses and blesses everyone around me in return. Tonight, i will empty my mind again, leaving up to Silence to fill it. And i can tug some into the space because Nature is always community-minded.


15 thoughts on “My Silent Madness

  1. truly, the moon has been very beautiful these wonderful that it keeps me in awe in silence.

    i envy your solitude Igsoon. being too busy, i sometimes forget to pause for a while and look up to heaven…

  2. The moon makes us lunatic Dfish. I love staring at it as well. 🙂 May you have more intimate and a-musing dates with the romantic moon and the twinkling stars. 🙂

  3. namiss ko tuloy bigla yung selecta ube sigh!
    kaso masama ang effect sakin ng buwan, pag kabilugan ng buan umaalulong ako.

    kidding aside, kung di lang mahilig magdudura ang mga tao dito kung saan saan, masarap sanang mahiga sa damuhan at makipag titigan sa mga bituin sa kalangitan, kaso twing titingin ako sa kalangitan wala manlang ako makitang bituin, siguro sa kapal ng usok ng pollution dito.kaya nga pag dyan satin, mas gusto kong lumabas sa gabi sa bukid at dun tumiwangwang magtan-aw ng mga bituin.

  4. Kapatid, I just came from another blog discussing about living in the present moment… Communing with nature in solitude is also part of living in the present moment, for when communing leads us to forget time, then moments become ever present.

    I can relate because for two nights now I have been having my nightly walks… On Monday, I walked the entire periphery of our barangay for 30mins… Last night, I walked from the office to my rented place for an hour. I haven’t seen the moon though because I busied myself with the sights and sounds of street life while uttering some short prayers…

  5. parang na imagine ko ang setting mo while reading. ang payapa! parang gininaw ako, seryoso. alam mo yun yung parang chill air ng gabi.

    sana maexperience ko din yan dito sa dubai. kaso walang natural forest dito. sigh.

    • Naalala ko yung post mo na may crescent moon at yung abs mo Dens. Feeling ko kasi, ganyan ang environment ng Dubai – combination ng natural beauty ng disyerto at magnificence ng architecture at human engineering. Make the most of this powerful combo Dens hehe…Sa Pinas – puro padahan-dahang destruction at walang human engineering…

  6. Thanks Kapatid for dropping by. Looks like you’re spending a lot of time these in solitude. I can’t recommend more; i’m just learning it since my seminary days, or perhaps, as early as my farming days with my Tatay on summer and it has never left me since then. Solitude has so much power to offer and contrary to popular belief – it makes one more community-oriented rather than craft an individual who is weird-looking and totally isolated from the true values of the mainstream hehehe…

  7. I miss doing this Dfish… as of now I tend to avoid anything that would make me feel closer to the Unknown because truth to be told wa pud ko kabalo because I do not want to find out… Thanks for the detailed experience, felt like I was on it too ^_^

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